I am in a slump of the largest proportion...not 'depressed' just unmotivated, not lazy, just bored. How does that sound? Not good, even to me!
I know only "I" can shake things up...I feel at a loss - daughter and boyfriend out of town/country...not that I expect them to 'do' anything about it either, maybe an excuse of sorts. I need a life of interests and fun and learning and trying things. I feel unfulfilled otherwise! I seem to be stuck in mode of feeling a bit of a 'hesitant' ...maybe more so that I'm getting older. Meaning I have an idea...and then I hesitate or talk myself out of it. It sucks, quite frankly. I do watch others out 'doing' things, and I have to say..much of it I don't even care to do! But that's their thing and aat least they are doing it! Meaning I beat to a different drummer...I don't 'party' or do clubs, don't need lots of 'socializing' type events. I feel like a minority in the things I enjoy and not sure where to find some outlets that do it for me! I tend to me more of a loner but still enjoy time with family, friends and feeling part of something. Which is why I've always enjoyed volunteering in the past.
Country settings, gardens, farm/barn animals, horses, fishing, fresh air..beaches...I literally CRAVE all of these things of late. I live in a nice suburb...not all concrete..plenty of parks nearby..but it's not the same. I rent an upper flat and can't even garden. I have asked numerous family, friends, acquaintances over the past month...'where can I go/do volunteer or learn from someone who does some of this?' I mostly get blank looks...a few have offered suggestions, one
lady even had some women call me who has a small farm and is overwhelmed...but when she called me she said she is really looking to find volunteers to help with stray cats at the humane society! WTF? lol If I wanted to help stray pets I would do it! I DO know where to go for that. And yes, any pet I've had has been a rescue animal...I just want something DIFFERENT.
Who knows...? Maybe I'll hate it...but it's feeling the frustration of not even being able to try! And I know there's a part of me that feels awkward going somewhere alone. But if the right opportunity presented itself, I'd go hesitant or not. Heather is probably laughing over there as her life has been one of outdoors, country living, animals, land maintenance etc. Lots of work, I know, but it can be satisfying and physical...both things I seem to be wanting at the moment.
So I will keep on eating healthier...I am still doing well in that regard at least 5 days a week...as for fasting...I know it can help, with maintaining or losing weight...I did it in my younger years, and actually realize the benefits it gives to the body not having to waste energy on digesting food all day. I haven't ruled it out..but I think for me I am still wanting to feel more productive and interested in something that just plain feels good. I know feeling more excited about life makes any endeavor seem easier and more do-able..hence my not motivated with the aspect of any kind of dieting.
This is turning out to more of a personal quest than anything else....wouldn't it be nice if I got 'busy' enjoying life more and the weight just started coming off and that I'd be too busy to think about food as much? Yes..it would be nice.
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