I have a brand new computer, and so I don't have my photo directory which has a substantial collection of photos spanning the last few year which are still on my old computer. If I did, I could upload a rather nifty photo of myself - a selfie, of me, post work out and in lycra no less, posing in a mirror looking spectacularly slim - it was taken in 2011.
I look great.
Early in 2011 I had begun a crusade to reduce a stubborn half a stone and to firm up all that was in danger of going slack - and as luck would have it, that decision to get fit and get thin - ho hum! coincided with my husband training to run a marathon that same year. Actually it was no coincidence, he was looking pretty good on all that physical activity and although I wasn't up for a marathon, I wanted to see some results too.
2011 saw me as fit as I had ever been, I cycled alongside my husband during his gruelling training runs, I even took up short distance running myself, I was eating great, and was also filling in the spare time with yoga and Wii Shape. God I was good.
But there was a shadow on my horizon, insideous and dark.
My husband ran his marathon on the beautiful channel island of Jersey, 1st October 2011 and it was a stunning 27degrees - he was fantastic, he completed the run, got his medal and it was a marvellous 4 day mini break for the whole family.
Except I wasn't having such a marvellous time.
I was tired, wrung out, on edge, tearful, jumpy, I had breath stopping palpitatious and couldn't breathe very well and I was hot. I thought I would die of asphyxiation when we entered the hotel bedroom to find no air con and no breeze - I actually thought I would pass out, but it wasn't just the weather - I .
just couldn't stand heat, I was constantly burning up.
I sturggled on for those 4 days, but as we landed back in the UK, my first job upon getting in the car to drive home was to book a doctors appointment - because I knew something was dreadfully wrong.
I had Graves Disease.
Graves is an auto immune disease of the thyroid - an overactive thyroid.
The effects of this were thorough, and effectively brought me to my knees - there didn't appear to be a piece of me this thing didn't touch or negatively affect. Treatment has been lengthy and continues to this day,
Without going in to maudlin detail of how much I hate having a thyroid disorder - I can say that as far as this blog post is concerned, the long term effect has been to waste my muscles, increase my weight and increase it quickly and to limit my ability to engage in meaningful cardio workouts.
This has all be exacerbated by my age of course - so the perfect storm has meant I have started to feel trapped inside a body I don't really recognise much nor like living in.
Katy and I have been struggling for several years now with a number of aborted attempts at getting some control back, who would have thought losing a bit of weight could be so darn difficult.
It is almost as if my own body rebels against me.
I was beginning to despair - someone get me a tent, I need something to wear!!
However, I'm not dead yet, and nor do I intend to let this best me - not just yet anyway.
To that end I can report for the first time in something like 20 years, I've gone and joined a gym, because Heather has a new plan.......
